Ever wish there had been a mandatory college course where you could read about the insights of 100 entrepreneurs related to their journey, their sacrifices, their lessons, their win's and losses with associates, their personal relationships and their troubles as well ... along the way. I read about the life of Edward Doheny in 2015 but only because I was appraising one of his properties and I found myself curious. Then, shocked and surprised.
Enclosed are a few "need to know" lessons I have had to learn outside of the classroom:
1. Share the status or get torn down in the dark side of humanity's capacity for envy. I am reminded of two real life stories. The first event is my attendance at Alison Armstrong's PAX workshops where she suggested one solution to winning with other women is to give them status. Extend genuine compliments and praise to them or elevate their purpose, vision and goals. Oprah is a genius at sharing her stage (or status) with others. The second real life story is of a Southern California real estate developer by the name of Rick Caruso. I am reminded of how commercial real estate brokers would acknowledge his silver tongue during deals. What did they mean? This business person would offer parades in Ventura County towns where we would build his next project and invite them to large outdoor dinners with valet parking and a whole experience of how we would treat them. His guests felt so important ... he extended his resources in allowing them to be a part of a bigger possibility, lifestyle or mission. Even if only for a moment ... like the Oprah platform.
There is nothing like someone else looking over at you wondering why you have a big, red fire truck and they don't. It can be mere seconds before they see you with eyes of envy, fear, distance and scarcity where your face, name and reputation become their next target.
2. There are many compromises and sacrifices between telling the full truth and keeping others happy.
In the line of integrity, I think this subconsciously ages people in their soul and spirit. Scripture talks about it as being in the world but not of the world - there is a deep sadness or loneliness anytime we admit to ourselves that we sold out. Compromised. Its a hollow, empty space and place of silent shame. Yet, how often is this openly talked about and who can you really talk to about the tough decisions? There is much we end up taking to our grave because of what others can't handle. Separate from many people not wanting a truth teller at the table, many of us cannot risk being vulnerable. Volunteering what eats away at us could become ammunition for others who have little to no beauty in their own lives.
One reason why Brene Brown's TED talk on vulnerability went viral is because there are so few spaces and people we can trust in bringing our whole selves to in real conversations. Even some coaches who promise that they can "self manage" their personal judgments in service to the client can then show their feelings on their face, in their eyes or in the lack of what they are not saying. Then the original person recoils to protect themselves, never to open up again to another. If there is one or two people we can talk to, the burden is less.
3. The more you reach for, day in and day out, the less you will have in regrets.
What is important to you ... others may never understand. Its okay. The multi dimensional goals in your personal bucket list to live through in new experiences allows you to fully understand this gift called life bestowed on us. Success is not just a balance sheet, a financial number in an account or total net worth of assets. We have to take chances with our heart in fully enjoying our life's days even if it may be confusing to those closest to us. We are still whole human beings, even if we spent four years in business school, proving our skills in mastering economic growth.... and no four years after that learning about other skills.
My call to action to you, dear reader, is to write or update your bucket list and post it on your refrigerator or taped to your bathroom mirror. The point is to see it. Then, reflect on your top three lessons if ever questioned by someone at your next party or interview. If you are unsure how to draw out what is most important to you, consider hiring a coach for a month or year to see how your performance and productivity increase with awareness and accountability.