Legacy Mastery: Identifying Healthy As Well As Toxic Conflicts

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Some conflicts can be healthy, in solving problems but other times, we can find ourselves engaged in a toxic work environment or social situation without a guide to prepare us accordingly.

In the past decade, I noticed more stories emerging about employees, executives as well as entrepreneurs not being fully equipped in knowing how to navigate a landscape and then, getting blindsided.

Many individuals, whether they work at a public company, family business or are business owners themselves, there is much college and university did not prepare us for in the real world. Even college students and those who served in the military may have bought into illusions of justice or fairness.

As many people do not often share their notes, whether they are the bystanders, victims, villians or heroes, this blog post serves to provide tools to people who find themselves blind sided or with a curveball thrown at them.

Perhaps the curve ball is to turn the victim into a dysfunctional being on some level, perhaps even dead, if and when one does not know how to navigate forward when faced with toxic people.

Many individuals are driven by financial goals, even when it is at the expense of another and their other values get lost in development; other values of theirs slip through the cracks but the betrayal is not forgotten by those effected. Do not be surprised if another individual, without a conscious of what's ethical or moral, exploits what is a real weakness or what is projected onto you as their head start to get ahead, as they throw you under the bus.

The goal is for you to see and identify it as it really is, heal and move on.

There are plenty of business videos about de-escalating drama when interacting with those of healthy mindsets but there is also much that is swept over because it is easier to avoid the challenging and uncomfortable scenarios.

While my video above discusses the hero's journey of fictional character, Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz as well as Italian artist Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni of the High Renaissance, we too need to be heroes even when we find ourselves standing alone or under attack. They, as metaphors, had to have many skills to survive and win; they could not fall back into compartmentalizing or not evolving their mindset.

If we are to develop and execute our own legacies, we cannot buy into victim blaming narratives because that is the fear in others talking. Others who were and are relieved it wasn't them who was targeted. And while much has been and is covered up in the public consciousness, the ability to turn these difficult situations around can provide inner peace and serve as examples of those who do not run and hide or cave in on themselves.

Yet, when public leaders or private family members who can make a difference protect the brand, image or financial interests, all involved become unsettled or traumatized as well by the experience of what they witnessed. You can be different in rising higher in consciousness.

People who have survived predatory behavior of some level tend to not like the labels of survivor or activist, yet their ability to work through the trauma, threats and intimidation can show others how to not give up. So in seeing you, the reader, as a hero on your own journey, how can you best prepare for conflict ahead or resolve yesterday's conflicts to be lighter and freer?

Since the times of Aristotle, a great fictional story can include a hero with a mighty goal and then, they are punished repeatedly in their tests of perseverance to see if they can survive every chapter. That's entertainment. In real life, most people have not been trained to access their own resourcefulness to feel or be "worthy of winning". The repeated hardships break their willpower or worse, they can find themselves with an early death from the stress in the mind body connection. Or, the hero can turn to the dark side in becoming a spiritual black hole that repeats what was done to them.

While one's goals at a professional organization can come with its expected power challenges, you as the hero may not account for when others are pathologically envious in their ganging up or the leadership, whether they be shareholders or "management", narcissistic or sociopathic in nature. If the boss at the top, whether that person be a stranger at a public company or investment fund, never mind a relative in a family business, the dynamics and culture of the group play a role in what is deemed normal. Acceptable.

Thus, enclosed below are three insights to leverage as tools as you execute your legacy:

The tool here is awareness of their mindset when they lash out as well as leaving, if you

can. If it is a family business, consider other options so the PTSD won't be present

another day. For those in other situations, your best remedy may be to heal and rebuild

because those without a conscious won't ever extend remorse. No amount of degrees

or certificates can prepare us for the season we have to walk through the gauntlet to be

tested.

3. The Nature Of Being Over Target:
 
  If one thing to be competent and another to not go along with someone else's plans. In

telling the truth about the reality of a landscape can be welcomed to those who benefit
  compared to those who do not in the attacks. As a hero, you may find your contacts
  dropping their association with you to save face for optics compared to honoring their
  value of integrity. There are times when parties can sit down and talk about the
  differences but if it is in a professional culture or social group that has allowed toxicity for
  too long,

If you are to accomplish something great with your personal legacy, you are going to not only face challenges but they will get bigger and bigger as you grow in being able to handle more. If you can resolve your own obstacles, others will then seek you out to be a guide for them. This aspect of your legacy may be how you are in service to others, in living for a mission greater than yourself and solving complex problems given your personal experiences.

While we may not see, initially or in the moment, that being gifted with problems is a test of trusting ourselves - so expect to be tested by both toxic and healthy people. While conflict can and does grow us to better understand the human experience, be vigilant to not create stories about your identity whether you win, lose or progress is stalled.

It is not just feelings that can go to extremes but also, the narratives we create in those moments about the cards life deals us or our worth. In a matter of seconds, we can buy into a story that either empowers or disables our future legacy. That is why I refer to my personal definition of legacy as "the opposite of tragedy".

The people who are not fair to others are those who, generally speaking, have not had fairness dealt to them. And as much as people in society find it easy to victim blame, like chickens in a hen house pecking for blood, predators get away with what they believe they can get away with - not that a victim invited their actions by their lack of survival skills in a situation.

While no one wants to encourage more conflict, you might as a byproduct of defending yourself. When there are three or more in a group, they will have made up their mind to take you down compare to reflect on their conduct, because it is the easier way out. When those individuals think they are threatened, especially if they have authority, perhaps Dale Carnegie's approach of complimenting and acknowledging them may be useful or they may be too arrogant.

There are people who will be zero sum negotiators and who will not care about your well being, let alone the completion of your life's legacy. Whether they are right or wrong, it takes wisdom and life experience to see what is motivating them: perhaps it is proving their value to others or showing off their social status quo to keep the approval of others.

The bottom line is that, for the sake of preserving your legacy and the role you are meant to play in this lifetime, you may never win with narcissists or teach them any lessons but you can reposition yourself to keep developing and executing your legacy. Your progress and momentum does not have to stop by their intentions or ill will behavior. If your legacy can benefit your naysayers, then include them in service to society but if it doesn't, then have strong boundaries to seeing the landscape for what it is.

Art or life? Your legacy requires mastery of many skills.